Growth: It Ain't For the Faint of Heart.

As human beings we are all on a path of growth and change. Learning, adapting and expanding everyday is something innate in most of us. As much as we all want growth, it is often a painful process and the instinctual response to pain is resistance. However, if you actively seek growth know this, it is going to be more painful than you can imagine. Growth will challenge you mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. When exercising for the first time after an extended period of inactivity, muscles practically revolt at the stress and exertion. The first few weeks of training can make or break a person and unfortunately for many it breaks them. If you manage to survive this period of intense discomfort and even pain, on the other side you will reach a point when you cannot imagine how you ever lived your life differently. It’s as though you’ve risen above the fog of monotony and resignation that was your former life. Before this breakthrough can happen though, you have to have a very uncomfortable, honest conversation with yourself, including asking yourself questions that your previously believed you had the answers to.

“A person's success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.” – Tim Ferriss

The process of physical growth is same for mental, emotional and spiritual growth. I was raised a devout Pentecostal Christian and believed every last bit of doctrine inside out and upside down. It wasn’t until I began to encounter people and experiences that I had been told were “sinful” that I began to slowly question the validity of my belief system. This was a slow, painful, anxiety filled process. I met gay people who were in fact NOT the devil incarnate, but incredibly kind, loving, compassionate HUMANS. I met people from other churches and religious backgrounds who firmly believed that their doctrine was the only “right” way, just as I believed mine was. I began to listen to stories of people from varied backgrounds and walks of life and saw that we shared a common humanity, yet we’re so segregated by the rigid beliefs passed down generation after generation. 

It is not easy to question long held beliefs, but I do feel it is every person’s responsibility to do so. There was a time when completely absurd “truths” were clung to even when they had been clearly disproved. (e.g. the earth is flat, the universe revolves around the earth, a mother’s thoughts can impact her baby’s characteristics in utero, etc.) It was only less than a century ago that was a widely accepted belief that men were the superior gender and whites the superior race. (Those are battles still being waged, but it is generallyacknowledged that ALL humans deserve to be treated equally.) These previously misguided beliefs implore me to question, “which commonly held beliefs of today could be wrong?” This is the thought that sparked my exploration of yoga, a practice my immediately family is vehemently against even to this day. My current question I’ve been referring back to is, “if you have not explored and experienced something for yourself, can you make an accurate judgement about it?” It is safest and most comfortable to only expose yourself to people who believe exactly what you believe and live exactly as you do, but where is the growth in that?  When I look at orthodox religion all I see is a striving to create people behaving EXACTLY how they are told to. Zero diversity or deviation is acceptable. Even daring to question the belief system is frowned upon. However, just as we challenge our bodies for the better by exposing them to various activity, we also challenge our brains by varied exposure to diverse experiences and people and if growth is your goal, this action is mandatory.

I have been gravitating towards this viewpoint for the last couple of years and it’s not been a pretty process. I have experienced deeply painful rejection from people I love most, loads of self doubt, confusion and anxiety. I have had to reevaluate nearly every belief that I have clung to for 25+ years. Some of them have remained, but many have not. This experience has been incredibly isolating, but when I am tempted to throw in the towel on this process I think of this quote from Jordan Peterson.

“You have to decide at some point in your life if you’re more in love with what you know or what you don’t know.” - Jordan Peterson

I have decided I am in love with the latter. I realize everyday how little I know and what a humbling experience that is. I cannot imagine living my life any differently though. I am constantly noticing if there are people, topics or experiences that spark a feeling of resistance or avoidance and then purposely go towards them. Those uncomfortable conversations are what have contributed to my growth in the last two years and especially the last six months. If you are looking to challenge yourself in the same way, begin watching your own reactions. Notice what makes you nervous, dismissive, judgmental or anxious and purposely go towards those things. Your original opinions may remain, they may change. Commit to openly watching, receiving and learning, knowing that everything is true.  In the end, at the very least, you will have an expanded perspective on this world which only leads to greater compassion and that is something we can all benefit from. 

“I've become a student of things as they are and this has led me to the astonishing guidance that all things are true.” – Mark Nepo

Here are just a few things I have watched, read and listened to recently that I normally would have been inclined to avoid:

Gloria Allred’s documentary, Seeing Allred (Netflix)

Hannah Gadsby Nanette (Netflix)

Bill Nye: Science Guy (Netflix)

Tim Ferriss Podcast Episode #280

Andy Grammar "The Good Parts" Podcast Episode #1

Dan Reynolds Documentary "Believer"

What Happened by Hilary Rodham Clinton

Sex At Dawn by Calida Jethá and Christopher Ryan (this one will flip your world upside down) 

Listen, Believe, Act: A Guide To Being Limitless

Do you realize what you are capable of?  Can you wrap your mind around how limitless you are?  We so regularly create stories in our minds about why we “can’t”, or “shouldn’t” do what our hearts desire, and many of us have completely lost the ability to dream.  The stories we tell ourselves unequivocally shape our world.  Show me a person’s life and I’ll show you their thoughts.  It’s easy to blame where you are in life on your family, job, past offenses, injustice in the world, and so on, but here’s the hard truth; blaming is a cop out.  Life is difficult, even crushing at times, but you have tremendous power to decide what runs your life and what won’t. 

There will absolutely be debilitating moments and experiences you will face, and crawling into your bed for a day or two, or even a month is OKAY.  Sitting with your emotions and fully feeling the intensity of your experiences is a vital part of moving through challenges. The key is that you move through.  The word “move” is a verb which implies action, but ACTION is the hardest part for most people. 

Everyone faces the same obstacle to action, albeit in different forms, every day; and that obstacle is YOURSELF.  You are in your own way. Perpetually. Incessantly. Like it is your full-time job.  An idea comes to mind and as sure as the sun rising in the morning, YOU show up, just in time to shut the idea down.  Over and over again this process is repeated, and in time, we become so disconnected from who we are and what we want that even when prompted, it’s difficult to say what we’d do if there was nothing held us back. (SPOILER ALERT: there is nothing holding you back.)  

"Transition isn't pretty, but stagnation is hideous." - Nikki Rowe

How would you shape the next year of your life if you could have things exactly how you dream?  There may be some fantasizing about eating ice cream in bed, sitting on a beach with our toes in the sand, binge watching Netflix, or reading for hours on end, but these are just the burned-out, over-exhausted rat race version of you talking.  Once you spend a week or so doing your chosen self-indulgent activity, you’ll realize you are meant to do more.  Humans were created to work, and for centuries our work was focused on simply surviving.  Today we live (contrary to popular belief) in a borderline Utopian society where nearly ANYTHING is possible and if it is not yet, it will be in the next 20 years. Who knows, maybe you will be the one to make it happen!  

So I ask you, in this limitless world, what do you want to do?  What thoughts and ideas are swirling around in your mind that you have smothered so intensely that they are barely a whisper now?  Instead of shoving it away, will you water, feed, and love it?  Like a small seed that’s carefully tended to, it will begin to sprout.  You won’t know the ultimate shape that it will take, but that’s not your responsibility.  Your responsibility is to nurture with wholehearted dedication and watch your seed of a thought transform into an idea, then a dream, then a plan, then a purpose, and finally a life of deep fulfillment.  Only then you’ll realize that you’ve shaped your life into exactly what you want it to be, and odds are, you will positively impacted countless others along the way.  

This sort of living has not always been possible and when you realize that, it feels wrong to squander the opportunities lying on a silver platter right in front of us.  So many people have fought and died to get us where we are today, and while the world is not perfect, the conditions for achieving your dreams are pretty damn close to perfect.  

"The future is limitless." - Peter Thiel

What are you doing with this golden ticket?  If the answer is “nothing,” start today.  If you have no idea where to begin, start by breaking up the monotony in your life.  Try something new, volunteer your time, start experiencing things you normally don’t, and pay attention to what sparks within you.  It will likely take time, but don’t settle for mediocrity.  You were made for so much more. Your life and others depend on it.  

What's All The Hype About?

It seems that everyone these days is getting into yoga and a large number of students are going so far as to complete a yoga teacher training.  If you have ever given yoga a solid chance, you likely can understand why the practice has exploded in popularity.  On the surface it seems that yoga is simply another form of exercise, but in reality, it is so much deeper than that.  Yoga is a practice of awareness, connection and presence; a practice of NOW.  “Living in the moment” might sound like a modern cliché, but it is a universal human challenge that has existed for thousands of years.  It is all too common that we find ourselves physically in one place and mentally somewhere far away.  You have probably experienced this yourself and whether you consciously realize this or not, we all are guilty of perpetually living “lost in thought.”  

“Yoga takes you into the present moment, the only place where life exists.” — Anonymous

There is an anecdote to our thinking addiction, and it is called Yoga.  Once you get a taste of true stillness and separation from the constant stream of thoughts running through your mind, you can’t help but want more.  This skill of detachment and surrender is exactly what yoga teaches.  It has been said that depression is living in the past, and anxiety is living in the future.  If you take an honest look at yourself, you will see which one you lean towards.  True peace lies in embracing and surrendering to the moment you are experiencing right NOW. 

As students begin to expand their physical practice, or asana, the depth of yoga as a whole becomes evident and the thirst for knowledge grows. Often, the next step to deepen a yoga practice is to take a yoga teacher training (YTT).  In reality, a YTT should be called a life training because of the deep dive students take into their own hearts. A YTT has less to do with the postures (although 100+ poses are examined and broken down), and more to do with learning and befriending yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the foundation for all other relationships and as we move through life, the state of our internal relationship is revealed by how we interact with and treat others.

“Yoga is the perfect opportunity to be curious about who you are.”         — Jason Crandel

If you have had the desire to dive deeper into your yoga practice and into yourself, a YTT is the perfect place to do so. No advanced asana practice is necessary, no plans to teach are required.  Nothing is expected outside of you showing up for yourself with courage, compassion and generosity. To learn more about the teacher trainings Old Town Yoga is offering in the coming year, check out our Teacher Training page or comment below with your questions. We would be honored to witness you experience this transformative process. 

Travis Eliot lecturing at OTY's first 200hr Yoga Teacher Training 

What's Your Story?

This morning I was on the bus. You may have heard of this bus, and likely even ridden it.  It’s the Struggle Bus. ba-dum-tshh! (I may still be on it based on this writing…)  I thought I dragged myself off of it to go practice acro yoga, but I continued to struggle.  After my practice I usually climb for a bit, but I forgot my climbing gear and wound up just watching everyone else climb. I immediately felt like a loser and the floodgates of negativity and self-deprecation flew open. “You’re irresponsible for not remembering your climbing gear…you aren’t disciplined because you haven’t climbed in a week…why are you even here?...you might as well give up…now you’re wasting time.” 

You get the idea.

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a persistent one.” – Albert Einstein

It is incredible how unrelenting our thoughts can be. Our brain’s job is to think, analyze and protect us. It is constantly absorbing information and interpreting it, and for most of my life I was unaware that this continuous dialogue was even happening. My thoughts were unchecked and often unconsciously accepted as truth. Unfortunately, this is the case for many people and it can be damaging or empowering, depending on what those thoughts are. A study was published by the National Science Foundation in 2005 that found on average a person’s daily thoughts are 80% negative and 95% repetitive. WHAT THE?! It can feel like a losing battle.

But…. Now what?

“Don’t believe everything you think.” – Allan Lokos

This can be pretty depressing and anxiety-inducing at the same time. If we’re unaware of our thoughts, there’s no chance of them being changed.  Thankfully, awareness of these thoughts can be a game-changer! After I realized the barrage of terrible thoughts I was assaulting myself with, I paused and gave myself a moment to realize everything I was thinking, then consciously said, “those are lies.” I am responsible and disciplined. I should keep climbing, even if it is once a week, and I DO belong here. This flip gave me permission to release those detrimental thoughts and enjoy the rest of my time at the gym. 

I know I am making this sound stupidly easy, but be warned; it is not. After years of negative thinking, I have essentially earned a black belt in the art of negative self-talk. I am a trained Jedi master, slowly trying to unlearn all the wrong ways to think about myself, relationships, and life in general. The process is slow and often painful, but the moments of freedom that come when I separate who I am from what I think, are priceless. Just like building muscle or learning a skilled trade, this practice of loving awareness takes time and dedication. 

“What we dwell on is who we become.” -Oprah Winfrey

In yoga, we practice mindfulness as we move and breathe intentionally. When we connect to our bodies on that level, we can watch what comes up, acknowledge it without judgement and from that vantage point of awareness find an level of power and peace we've never known. At Old Town Yoga, our classes are a safe, loving space to practice this skill of loving awareness with the guidance of a teacher and support of your fellow students. On your own, this can be practiced as you move through your day. Even consciously noticing ONE “automatic” thought will empower you to decide if it is one you want to keep and believe, or one that should be discarded. After all, you are only the story you tell about yourself, so make it the best one you can imagine.

Desiree Heckman

PERCEPTION, SMERCEPTION

Perceptions are a funny thing. It has been said that “perception is reality” and for many of us, that is the truth…until we realize that it is not.  Perception is actually a filtered reality.  It is filtered through our past experiences, environment, previous night of sleep, hunger levels and a variety of additional factors.  I recently spoke with a friend about a post we both saw on social media. We found that it triggered emotions in both of us, but they were very different from each other.  Our emotions and perspectives felt much like reality, but the reality was that the post had nothing to do with either of us.

When we opened the new space in our studio we decided that the rooms needed names to help differentiate them.  A couple of the teachers brainstormed ideas for room names and decided on the “Coral Room” and the “Teal Room,” based on the colors of their rear accent walls.  To provide some background, the original space has a coral mandala on the front wall and a teal accent wall to the rear, whereas the new space has a teal mandala on the front wall and a coral accent wall to the rear.  During class, the teachers normally face the rear accent wall, while the students face the front mandala.  

With that said, the students were royally confused over the chosen room names.  They assumed the names would be based on the respective mandala colors because, well, that’s what they see during each class.  Had the students chosen, the names would likely be opposite, yet still made perfect sense.  Neither way is right or wrong, they’re just a different perceptions of the same thing.

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”
-Albert Einstein

I think we all know and believe this deep down, but it can be challenging to remember when your perceptions don’t align with the perceptions of those around you.  It’s easy to slip into the belief that you are right and “they” are wrong, when in fact, neither is true.  Consider this next time you experience miscommunication, misunderstanding or any such conflict.  We are all approaching life in the ways that we know how, and it is rarely from the same perspective as those around us.  Thankfully, simply being aware of this fact can change everything.

Vicktor Frankel says “Between stimulus and response is a pause and all our power lies in that pause.”  The longer the pause, the greater your power.  Pause.  Look at your perception.  Remember that it is likely not reality, and then act accordingly.

An Unqualified Blogger Blog

If asked, the vast majority of people would agree with the statement “anything is possible.”  It’s likely that you believe this.  But do you believe this for YOURSELF?  It’s likely the answer is “no.”  Why is this?  To be honest, I don’t know why we tend to be self-doubting, deprecating haters of ourselves.  Sadly this is the default mindset for most.  It’s a huge undertaking to change this mentality, but a worthy one that pays high dividends.

When I started college, I wanted to be a high school counselor and knew all the steps needed to achieve it.  I worked my way through my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees, but in the back of my mind I doubted that I would ever actually become a guidance counselor.  I started half-heartedly applying to counseling jobs and experienced the most brutal interviews that make me cringe just thinking about them.  Afterwards, I would rush home as quickly as possible, curl up in a fetal position and cry my eyes out. 

I had all the credentials to do the job and would have been a damn good counselor, but all I could think of was how I didn’t speak enough Spanish, or didn’t have enough experience, or didn’t have enough connections, and so on.  I was blinded by all the things I didn’t have and that attitude stood out like a sore thumb to my interviewers.  I eventually got a related job, but it was not what I set out to do, nor was it in the setting I had always dreamed of. 

“If I had always done what I was 'qualified' to do, I'd be pushing a broom somewhere.” 
Naval Ravikant

When I set out to become a yoga teacher, I had learned a lot about the power of mindset and began to tell myself daily, “I am a yoga teacher.”  As I repeated this, my actions followed.  If I am a yoga teacher, what would a yoga teacher do?  Practice and teach yoga!  I was far from “qualified” to teach a group class, but I did it anyway and guess what? I survived!  In fact, began to thrive, and only got better and braver. 

Similarly, I was far from qualified to open a business, especially a yoga studio.  In fact, I am still not qualified to be doing most of what I am doing.  I am extremely unqualified to write, given that English was my worst subject and still have a vile relationship, with, commas.  However, here I am.  Writing…teaching…running a business…excitedly dreaming of what else I am not qualified to do because, you can bet your ass, that's exactly what I am going to do next.  What are going to do next?  It should be exactly what you feel unqualified to do.

A Studio Is Born

Well, it’s official. We have expanded. It’s incredible how that sentence is only three words long. Those three words don’t even scratch the surface of what we’ve gone through to make it to this point. Part of me wants to say that very few people can understand what we have overcome to make it to this point, but that’s not true. In actuality, there’s a large group of people out there who unknowingly, know exactly what we have endured. If you are a parent (especially a mom), with two or more kids, then you know.

Our original opening was in many ways, much like having our first child. It came with a mixture of nervousness, anxiety, loads of questions, but mostly excitement. Nothing can prepare you for what you’re about to experience. You have preconceived notions of how you will be as a parent, so naively, you prepare exclusively for delivery day. When it comes, a startling realization sets in just a matter of hours after your baby is born. THIS IS JUST THE STARTING LINE. All the preparation, anxiety, anticipation and excitement is only the tippy top of a massive iceberg.

The first few months are grueling; joyful, but grueling. Very gradually, this new gig begins to get easier, and you slowly forget the difficult things: pregnancy, labor, recovery, being the MVP on #teamnosleep, nursing, yellow poop, constant baby vomit, I could go on. Forgetting these things can be easy because of the joy this little person brings to your life.

Then one day you think, “we should have another one.” Or maybe you don’t and it just happens unexpectedly. Either way, the reality of the “second round” sets in much more quickly. The excitement is still there, just overshadowed by the full understanding of what is to come. You don’t have a choice though. The deed is done and resisting your inevitable future is futile. This time however, your attention is divided between tending to your first one and preparing for the second. Although your first experience prepares you for some things, a plot twist emerges and surprise! The two are nothing like each other.

Somehow, you manage though. Many days you feel that you are hanging on by a mere fingernail, but you make it through, one day at a time. The doubt that you are doing anything right is nearly constant, but then there are moments that fill you with so much love, pride and joy that you almost cannot physically contain it. Those are the moments that make it all worth it. All the long hours, physical demands, mental stress and tears, so many tears, suddenly seem like a small price to pay for this level fulfillment.

I can’t decide which was harder, pushing out a baby or pushing out a studio. My two actual babies are 2.5 years apart which gave me a bit more time between to recover. My studio babies are only 11 months apart, and brought me closer to my limit than I’d like to admit. The good news? WE MADE IT. At least that’s what I thought until I just now realized, I am probably only a foot down the iceberg. Sh*%. Well…here’s to the unknown; may we face it bravely and with endurance.

Death (or... LIFE!) By Embarrassment

Just before class begins I often demo a posture and give a short verbal preview of what is to come.  Over time, I’ve become very comfortable standing in front of class with all eyes on me.  However, on one particular evening as I demoed a posture, I absentmindedly scratched at my face; a habit that’s lingered since the beginnings of my acre days as a teenager.  As I stood up I could feel some cold wetness on my face, so I wiped it with the back of my hand and there, before my eyes, was an unusual sight.  Lo and behold, I was bleeding…from my face…in front of nearly 30 people, all of whom were staring at me.  And as if this moment couldn’t be more humiliating, it just happened to be one of those times where the bleeding came fast, furious and unrelenting.  I realized then that I had two options; play it off and try to pretend as if nothing happened, or own the cringe-worthy moment, step out and deal with it.  My pride told me to play it off, but I knew better.  So I announced to the class that I needed a moment to deal with my adult acne and retrieved a tissue from the lobby.  When I returned we all had a good laugh, class resumed and something miraculous happened…life continued. 

A fairly accurate representation of the awkwardness that ensues prior to each class.                                           

PC: Kati Beshore

That was just one of the many mortifying moments I've endured since starting this wild adventure.  I’ve had the pleasure of chasing and killing a cockroach in a class full of people (more than one time I might add).  Roach murder weapons include a yoga block, a water bottle, and the closest shoe I could grab.  Other noteworthy embarrassing moments include: knocking down a student, stepping on student’s glasses, stepping on student’s hair, kicking a remote at a student’s face, and the ultimate one, breaking my finger with my own foot, IN A YOGA POSTURE (face palm).  There are many others, but there’s only so much a person can relive in one day before overdosing on vulnerability and humiliation. 

I suppose by now you are probably feeling devastated that I am not the perfect person you thought I was (or maybe that’s just what I’m feeling…#projection).  So why share all this “shame” with the world? I mean geez Des…was there not enough suffering the first time around?  Reflecting on all of these experiences, I tried to figure out why each instance only derailed me for a few moments.  After all, I’ve had various embarrassing moments in life that sent me into a tailspin and affected me for days, weeks and sometimes longer.  So what is different about me now? Well, I know deep down who I am, what defines me, and more importantly, what doesn’t.  Acne, cockroaches, and mistakes do not make me who I am.  When we believe that the wrong things define who we are, we create a world of unnecessary mental distress.  FREE YOURSELF.  You have the ability to create your own heaven or your own hell. Unfortunately, we often tend to create the latter and live eternally there.  Seneca pointedly said “You are afraid of dying, but come now, how is this life of yours anything but death?” Even better, Marcus Aurelius says, “Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed.  Don’t feel harmed — and you haven't been.”

As you move about your day today encountering obstacles, people and difficult experiences, ask yourself; does this define me?  Does this have any effect or bearing on me as a person?  Most likely it does not.  So let it float on by and enjoy the beautiful peace that results from letting it go.

-Desiree Heckman